Game Theory for Metamours

So, I recently had a betrayal by a meta-partner. I felt it as a betrayal. It was a health risk and no disclosure VERY shortly after having a health scare and assuring one another that we would be scrupulous about informing each other. And I did not trust the meta-partner any more.

I felt guilty about the unfairness of treating her as more suspicious than a stranger. I kiss Xira, who is a stranger, but I trusted him to be a grownup and responsible and he was. I trust acquaintance strangers to be responsible grownups in their physical relationships to me. And they’ve rarely/never let me down about this. I have often had good cause to speak well of their considerate and scrupulous behavior. Even if they wanted things that broke my heart, I respected how they dealt with me. I LIKE being a trusting person and wish to continue giving people the benefit of the doubt.

But when that trust is broken…. yeah, I trust betrayers less than mostly strangers. When I think of how this must feel on the receiving end, I have great sympathy for the meta-partner. ┬áIt must be horrible to be treated like a betrayer. To be held as less trustworthy than a mostly stranger. I agonized over my unwillingness to trust her word or expose myself to risk around her. How could I make her feel so bad? How could I treat her so poorly? Continue reading

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